AlyJane. Nineteen. Jesus Lover. The Bay Area. Raves. Tatted. Workaholic. You don't want to know me, i'm a mess.

"I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart."

shesakillla said: You look like the blonde from pretty little liars lol

Hahaha i have gotten that a lot actually!!

Part II

Read previous post before this one;

"Please don’t ever take it lightly whenever I tell you that I love you. Because I know that, one day, it might seem like a routine. I know that there will be days when you don’t want to hear it. And you might have your moments when you even refuse to believe it. But trust me when I say that the heaviness in my heart from when I say those words to you is an indication that loving you would never be something I take lightly."  

52 weeks ago, i was at a party and met someone. Who i was with, who i talked to, who was there is irrelevant. I met the love of my life at that party even though he was a complete stranger, he has become the most important person in my life. 

29 weeks ago, we started things for the third time, but for real this time. 

26 weeks ago, we made it official. January 31st was the best day of my life. I got a beautiful bouquet delivered to my door step with a note attached saying ” because i don’t need a reason to make you smile.” Chris picked me up moments later with a surprise trip to San Francisco. We spent the day exploring, smiling and laughing. Night fallen and he took me to my favorite spot. The golden gate bridge. As i stared at its beauty i turn to my right to hear Chris ask me to be his girlfriend as he pulls a single rose out of his jacket. Teary eyed and all i say yes. We walk down back to his car, i explain to him how crazy he is for doing this for me. He asks ” wanna know how crazy i am?” Opens his truck just for me to find another bouquet of roses. 

For the first few months we’re crazy in love, lighting up every time we see each other, never fighting and smiling for no reason. 

17 weeks ago, life happened. We started letting the past affect our future and the present. The spark dimmed. We lost ourselves in the fighting instead of getting lost in each other. We would have good days and than horrible days. There was never any lukewarm moments. Strictly black and white, never any gray moments. 

1 week ago, we laid on the bed sobbing. I’ve never cried so hard in my life, i basically lost what i fought so hard to get back. In the previous post i stated how just because you’re scared doesn’t mean you can hurt people. I did just that. I let my insecurities come into our relationship like a tornado and destroy almost everything in its path. We agreed maybe its time to go our separate ways. I sat with him as i explained that when he’s ready to date again she needs to love the 49ers, love The Cab, love his nephew like her own and most importantly love him. I pulled out a necklace he got me for valentines day that broke from me wearing it religiously. In a last ditch effort i explained, Just because the necklace is broken doesn’t mean i was willing to throw it out because it’s beautiful just like us. We cried more and laid back in bed. 

We decided things needed to change, that what we’ve been doing is unhealthy for the both of us. 

We decided to stay together and work on us, but ACTUALLY work on us, not just claim a new fresh start after every fight. It’s going to take work, it wont be easy at times but we know we have it in us. Its been a few days but we already see the change, we already feel the spark and i blush and giggle around him for no reason all over again. Nothing worth having comes easy. 

Chris is the best guy i’ve ever met. He is patient, supportive, inspiring, loving and selfless. He’s the type of guy that makes forever seem to short. I hope everyone finds a Chris. 

To all the couples out there that are having doubts. Don’t give up. Unless it’s a severely unhealthy situation, abusive or you can’t see a future with that person than decide what’s best for you but if you think about your future and you can’t see your future without them than don’t give up. You’re not going to promise that you will not disappoint one another because someday you will. What is important is that you don’t go away, you don’t escape, you don’t leave just because you’re disappointed. That’s what fidelity is all about. 

Believe in love. That is what the world is lacking. 

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